Many excellent books exist on bullying, the damage it does, and what we can do about it. Below is our suggested reading list. Many of these items can be found at your local library. If you are aware of others that you feel would be helpful for people to know about, please contact us.
Letters From A Bullied Girl: Messages of Healing and Hope (Olivia Gardner)
Olivia Gardner, a northern California teenager, was severely taunted and cyber-bullied by her classmates for more than two years. News of her bullying spread, eventually reaching two teenage girls from a neighboring town, sisters Emily and Sarah Buder. The girls were so moved by Olivia's story that they initiated a letter-writing campaign to help lift her spirits. It was a tender gesture of solidarity that set off an overwhelming chain reaction of support, encouragement, and love.
In Letters to a Bullied Girl, Olivia and the Buder sisters share an inspiring selection of messages that arrived from across America—the personal, often painful remembrances of former targets, remorseful bullies, and sympathetic bystanders. Letters to a Bullied Girl examines our national bullying epidemic from a variety of angles and perspectives, and includes practical guidance from bullying expert Barbara Coloroso, author of The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander. Though addressed to Olivia, the letters speak to all young people who have been bullied, offer advice and hope to those who suffer, and provide a wake-up call to all who have ever been involved in bullying.
The Different Dragon (Jennifer Bryan)
When young Noah gets ready for bed, he wants to hear a bedtime story with a sailboat in it, as well as his beloved cat Diva, and best of all, a fierce and ferocious dragon! But as the story progresses, Noah feels that the dragon is crying, because the dragon just can't be terrifying anymore. "It's a lot of pressure to be fierce all the time. All that roaring and gnashing of teeth and snorting fire. It's a lot of work to scare people and be so mean. And nobody ever wants a dragon to be funny or sad or just regular. There's only one way for a dragon to be and that's that." Noah befriends the dragon, and shows him that he can do other things than be fierce and terrible - like play badminton or share ice cream, and informs him that it really is within the dragon's power to decide how he wants to be. Ages3-8.
The Sissy Duckling (Harvey Fierstein)
Elmer, crowned by a wispy comb of feathers and wearing a pink backpack with daisies on it, is "one happy duckling doing all the things he loved to do," such as baking cookies and staging puppet shows. When Papa Duck, an imposing mallard, forces him to try baseball, Elmer promptly strikes out and heads for home, unfazed. Later, he hears his father complaining ('They all called him sissy! Now I'm the laughingstock of the whole flock') and endures threats from a school bully with a feathery flat-top and muscular chest. Elmer runs away and sets up housekeeping in a hollow tree, but comes to the rescue when his father gets shot by hunters and cannot fly south for the winter. Cole (Moosetache), assigned the daunting task of capturing Elmer's sensitive nature and the other ducks' bewilderment or scorn, keeps his zaniness in check. He makes a sympathetic hero of the skinny yellow nonconformist and suggests Elmer's wit in antic images of the duck kidding around with his convalescing dad. Fierstein handles serious and silly moments with aplomb, and shows Elmer staying true to his identity. In a campy, triumphant ending, the resourceful duckling loudly proclaims, "I am a big sissy and proud of it!" Ages 5-8.
My Secret Bully (Trudy Ludwig)
Monica, a "tween" (8-12) is facing the ugly truth about subtle bullying. Her former friend Katie makes snide comments about her to other girls; excludes her from games and tells Monica who she can and cannot talk to.
Monica is devastated; she and Katie had been friends since they were in kindergarten. She cannot understand why Katie turned against her. She tells her mother about the problem, but the two are at a loss as to what to do. To Monica's mother's credit, she does not tell her to be nicer to Katie or blame her; I know from personal experience that when I was a tween that was the kind of atrocious advice I would have been given.
When Katie's insidious hostility becomes so aggressive, Monica suffers from tension and stomach pains. She dreads school. Naturally, this forces her hand into telling her mother about the problem. Monica is empowered once she learns her mother is an ally and not beguiled and duped by Other People's Children.
Monica's mother comes up with an excellent solution. She said to confront Katie using mental strategy; instead of stooping to retaliation, Monica might say, "Does it make you feel good to say mean things to me in front of other people?" and comments of that ilk. That way the bullying behavior would be on record and Monica could stand tall and walk away, knowing she'd called Katie on her behavior. Ages 5-8.
Nobody Knew What To Do (Becky Rae McCain)
On the playground, some bullies begin to pick on one student, Ray. Watching this performance, his classmates are unsure what to do to help. Ray stays home the next day, but the bullies begin planning ways to continue their harassment when he does return to school. Hearing this, the unnamed protagonist has had enough. He approaches his "listening' teacher, who tells him that coming to her was the correct thing to do. These two then plan their strategy. When Ray comes back the protagonist asks him to play with his group at recess, and when the kids who bullied come around, Ray's teacher and principal join the protagonist, putting the weight of procedural authority against the street smartness of the bullies. Phone calls from the principal to the parents of the bullies accomplish this strategy—"Nobody bullied that day. We won't let it happen. Together we know what to do and say."
Nobody Knew What To Do looks at possible solutions to the problem of bullying and helps children think through behaviors, offering the opportunity to discuss realistic choices. It holds the key to teaching children and adults the difference in telling on someone or actually reporting a problem. It helps children to know that it is OK to talk about bullies who are in their lives. There is help and there are people who care. Ages 6-9.
Say Something (Peggy Moss)
A child who never says anything when other children are being teased or bullied finds herselef in their position one day when jokes are made at her expense and no one speaks up.
It starts with words.
Before any student gets beaten up or badly hurt, there is usually teasing, sometimes months of name-calling that leads up to an act of violence. And even when no physical violence results, the student who is teased at school feel scared, distracted and unable to focus on school.
YOU are in the best position to Say Something!
Bullying is frequently enabled by the bystander who says, "it''s not my responsibility." ''What could I do?'' "I didn''t know." Written with sensitivity, appropriate directness, and astute caveats, ''Say Something'' provides a critical alert for children and parents alike with an early, important lesson in civic responsibility.
Oliver Button Is A Sissy (Tomie dePaola)
Oliver Button doesn’t like sports like the other boys do. He likes to read, draw pictures, dress up in costumes, and sing and dance. Even his father calls him a "sissy" and tells him to play ball. But Oliver isn’t good at sports and he isn’t interested.
Oliver Button Is A Sissy is a story about a little boy who gets picked on and eventually finds good things about himself. This is an excellent book that confronts gender stereotypes and the importance of accepting people for who they are. Oliver Button does not engage in the traditional activities that boys do, and thus, he is faced with repercussions and consequences (based on how others feel Oliver should behave/act). This book helps children get the message it’s important for them to do what’s right for them despite teasing and other types of bullying. Children also begin to understand how important it is to not bully others for being different. Ages 4-8.
Coping With Cliques (Susan Sprague)
When you're the target of snubbing or teasing at school, it's easy to feel like everyone else has a group of friends and you're the only odd one out. The reality is that gossip and rumors hurt everyone, and often, even the most popular girls feel alone.
From an adult perspective it may seem like a rite of passage, but for a preteen or adolescent girl it can seem like the end of the world. We're talking about being shunned by the "in crowd" and banished to the outskirts of a clique. To make it worse, the Internet and other new technologies have opened up a whole new venue for bullying. Coping with Cliques helps girls overcome feelings of isolation and rejection and to develop the self-esteem that will make being left out of the clique seem not so tragic after all. It gives them practical skills for dealing with cyber- and real-life bullying, and shows them how to keep bullying, put-downs, and gossip from poisoning their sense of self.
This workbook helps girls deal with cliques, teasing, and gossip, and show them how to avoid getting caught up in this hurtful pattern of behavior. Coping with Cliques also includes key strategies for sticking up for yourself, maintaining your self-esteem even when others tease you, and finding friends who like you for who you are.
Young adult.
And Words Can Hurt Forever: How to Protect Adolescents from Bullying, Harassment, and Emotional Violence(James Garbarino, Dellen Dlara Ph.D.)
"Sticks, stones, and bullets may break their bones, and words can break their hearts," write Drs. Garbarino and deLara in their book on bullying among teenagers. "And Words Can Hurt Forever" not only describes the increasing reality of the problem, but it also gives parents concrete ideas on what they can to protect their children.
Uncover the staggering extent and consequences of schoolyard bullying and classroom hostility. Bullying has long been regarded as a way of life, however, student reactions to harassment and intimidation are, finally, driving parents to consider this phenomenon seriously. This book teaches parents to accept reality (bullying occurs daily), challenge old beliefs (“kids will be kids” or “If I lived through it, so can they”) and ally with other parents.
From their base at Cornell University, the authors interviewed students, teachers, and administrators from around the country. They found that, everyday, millions of teenagers suffer from emotional violence in the form of bullying, stalking, intimidation, and humiliation.
"Over and over again parents are surprised, even stunned, to discover the extent and nature of the emotional and physical violence that their teenagers face at school," they say. The problem persists because students don't tell adults about it, and administrators are indifferent or unable to do anything.
Garbarino and deLara point out that, if the same thing happened to us in our workplace, we would be quick to take legal action. Don't our children deserve the same level of protection? So, what can we do to create a safer environment for our teens? The "What You Can Do" list at the every chapter outlines concrete ideas such as: recognize that most students want adults to intervene; volunteer to supervise trouble areas of the building; exercise your right to contact your school board president; and if nothing improves for your child, consider legal intervention.
Doctors Garbarino and de Lara conclude their book by saying: "When it comes to bullying, sexual harassment, and emotional violence at school, the buck stops with adults."
The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander: From Preschool to High School--How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle of Violence (Barbara Coloroso)
Barbara Coloroso brings her passion and wealth of experience regarding the issue of bullying to her book The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander. This former classroom teacher, now an internationally recognized speaker, writes in the areas of parenting, teaching, school discipline, and nonviolent conflict resolution. With unusual clarity, Coloroso provides educators and parents with sage advice for managing this difficult and pervasive crisis in our schools and homes.
In illuminating the bullying problem, Coloroso suggests that bullying is not so much about children acting out anger as about control of power. Expanding the notion of bullying as more than physical or verbal abuse, she introduces relational bullying—a type of bullying that is much more difficult to detect, but includes ignoring, isolating, excluding, or shunning.
What sets this book apart from other books on bullying is the focus on the bystander. The role of bystander is not typically identified nor discussed, yet Coloroso provides suggestions for teachers and parents to help children develop the courage and moral independence necessary to take a stand against bullying.
Rather than merely listing strategies, Coloroso effectively provides step-by-step directions for developing a plan to address the conflict within each of the roles. She is successful in describing not only what to do, but what not to do. Coloroso focuses indepth on what caring schools and involved communities look like, sound like, and feel like.
Though directed primarily to school administrators and educators, this information also can help parents identify what characteristics to look for in their child’s school.
Bullycide in America, Moms Speak Out (Brenda High)
This is a book of real stories about real kids. Kids who took their own lives because they thought it was their only way out of a hopeless situation.
It is about the tragic choices they made in an effort to end the pain - when they believed there was no other solution.
Schools Where Everyone Belongs: Practical Strategies for Reducing Bullying (Stan Davis)
Written by family and child therapist and school counselor Stan Davis, Where Everyone Belongs: Practical Strategies for Reducing Bullying is a highly practical guide written especially for schoolteachers and other educational professionals, yet invaluable for anyone who oversees groups of children.
Now in an updated second edition, Schools Where Everyone Belongs demystifies what bullying it is and common myths about its effects, what doesn't work to combat it, and most importantly of all, classroom-tested methods that do work to stop bullying and reverse its harmful effects.
"When there are inconsistent consequences for bullying, young people are likely to continue. When we have to customize a consequence for each incident, the process of discipline becomes impossibly time-consuming. Planned, rubric-based consequences take much less time to administer and thus can be used more consistently. When consequences are predictable and based on a clear rubric, young people can learn from each other's misdeeds." An absolute "must-have" for grade school teachers and principals everywhere.
